Its almost a year since i wrote a post on my feelings been told i had Ovarian Cancer and almost four years since i was actually diagnosed. I suppose i should feel great that the cancer has gone, along with my ovaries and whatever nasty bits were lurking in there but i don’t.
Why? because of the side affects i’ve been left with.
Some days i feel fine, until i get out there and remember i am still ill.. Some people will look at me and think there’s nothing wrong as i try to “look” normal in my everyday activities. they don’t see how i try to walk at a normal pace but end up having to hold on to a fence or stopping in my tracks until i feel ok again to carry on.
This bloody Peripheral Neuropathy is really getting me down and my Oncologist did say it’ll get worse and affect my quality of life. it sure as hell is. I’m like an old lady when it comes to stairs/steps and if i see a dodgy pavement the panic start as i’m petrified i’ll stumble. even last week when i Learnt to Swim didn’t help as i couldn’t feel the bottom of the pool even though it was only 4ft 6 inches!
Now though its been confirmed.. I am disabled. I have a badge in my car to prove the fact. Who would have thought that good old Trace, the life and sole of the party with her dancing all night antics, would end up been bloody disabled!.
I really hope that one day a miracle will happen and my limbs will be my own again and my head will stop been fuzzy but as yet there is no cure. I'm not feeling sorry for myself by the way, i just felt i had to blog about how i feel as i find it easier to do this that to actually speak to anyone.
Hey! Learning to swim has to be a bonus - no steps in the water, and falling over in it is a doddle!
ReplyDeleteDon't take my levity the wrong way - I'm sorry you have such problems, but I can't help being a life long nit-wit (not quite as good as just being a wit!) :)
thanks for posting this. I am just in the post op period and coming to terms with a rather damaged and weak right leg and a urostomy. We pay the price for the cancer surgery and treatment. It's tough but at least we are alive. We just have to remind others gently sometimes that we aren't all we used to be XX
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this. People always say you look great - Yeah but I can't feel my toes . Actually makes me trip.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the Four-year mark! I'm coming up on two. Two series of carbo/taxol left me hobbling every morning until I work the kinks out. And going barefoot in the kitchen? No longer possible. I can manage but I sure do hope the neuropathy does not get worse! Yikes!
ReplyDeletesweetie - I'm sorry. I haven't been keeping up well on the blog front. You may have a disabled badge, and you may have more difficulty than you used to, but you're still here and will be for donkies - and in my mind, you're not anything but you, one of the kindest and sweetest people I know.
ReplyDeleteI hope it gets better too. FIFTY hugs...I will call you soon
xxx
I'm sorry that you have such a problem with the neuropathy.
ReplyDeleteI did suffer with it for a few months while undergoing chemo, but thankfully it returned to normal after a couple of months.
My worst thing is wondering i fcancer will come back! I get so het up before my 3 month checks.
Maggie X
Nuts in May