On the 24th November 2006 I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.
I remember been at work working in my local pharmacy and getting a phone call from the hospital asking if I would be able to go in as soon as possible. My manager was fantastic and sent me off straight away.
I knew I needed a hysterectomy very soon as I’d been having so many problems and was still on my period and had been for 3 weeks at this time! So this appointment I was about to go to was to give me a date for my operation and tell me what to expect.
I climbed in my car and drove the 30 miles/46.6km to the hospital, singing along to the radio, feeling happy that I finally wasn’t going to have to go through the stomach pains I’d been having for the last 2 years and the never ending periods too!!
I parked up and walked through to the hospital, still smiling.
As I entered the hospital I was directed to the department I needed and was greeted with a nurse asking if I’d come alone.. I told her I had as I’d come straight from work, I still had my uniform on and looked like a nurse to be honest.
The nurse then asked if it was ok if she came in to see the Consultant with me, I never thought anything of it as there were often nurses or doctors in training at my hospital and they often sat in on any consultations I had.
As I walked into the consultants room she asked me how I was and asked me to take a seat.
I was then told the awful news.
A week before I had gone to the hospital to see this Consultant I had gone to have a camera inserted, so she could see exactly what was happening up there. When I woke up she informed me that I had a uterus the size of a 20 week old foetus and that I was “riddled” with fibroids and that a hysterectomy was definitely going to happen.
While I was under general anaesthetic my Consultant had decided to do a biopsy, and results were back.
“What would be the worse thing we could have found Tracey”
I said Cancer
She then said “I am so sorry Tracey, you have Ovarian Cancer”
That was it!!
I cried and cried and couldn’t stop.. Why me? I’ve never smoked a cigarette… I’ve never been a big drinker… I eat plenty of fresh fruit & Vegetables.. My head was in a turmoil.
The consultant was lovely as was the nurse who had come in with me.
They got me a cup of tea and then I remember nothing… I remember been told I would be going to see an Oncologist who would explain everything and that I would be starting treatment just into the New Year.
The nurse asked me if there was anyone who could come and get me but there wasn’t. she said I had to put the radio on as I drove home, to take my mind off the shock.. SHOCK!! She wasn’t joking on that one! She said to sing at the top of my voice as I drove along.
As I got into my car I had stopped crying, I was trying to concentrate on how to drive my car. I put the radio on and as I got into my journey The Scissor Sisters came on the radio singing “I don’t feel like dancing” My favourite song of the time, strange as i love dancing.
I was driving over The Humber Bridge as it came on, the River Humber underneath me, all it needed was for me to lose control and I could be in that freezing cold water and drown, it crossed my mind to do just that.
This song saved my life
But as the song played, I turned it up to full power and sang and sang and cried and cried.. I really don’t remember driving the rest of the way back to work.
As I parked in our private car park, I wiped away my tears and tried to make myself respectable. This is happy smiling Tracey here, she can’t be seen to be crying.
I opened the door to the Pharmacy and walked straight into the back office as one of my colleagues asked how it had gone and if I’d got a date for my hysterectomy. The tears came and I wailed, and I mean wailed!! I’ve never cried like this in my life, I couldn’t breath.
Eventually I blurted out that I had cancer… By this time, my other 2 colleagues and the Pharmacist were all in the office ( good job we weren’t busy at that point) 5 of us all crying can’t have been a good sight in a pharmacy!!
That was it really, I was lucky enough to have plenty of friends around me but boy that was one hell of a day.
Do you know something too, as i added this song to this post and listened to it.. I cried... i adore this song, it makes me want to sing and dance but because the memory of that day is at the front of my mind just now,, its kind of hit me.
Beauty in the broken
4 hours ago